First time visit to the Planning Center and the BS

Posted by Ginny on November 24, 2001 at 12:13:28:

Hi Everyone,

A Helper met me (I perceived a male) and since I had sent out a strong intent to help someone in the BST, I assumed that's where the two of us were then going as I felt a slight sensation of movement. What then opened up before me kinda took me by surprise.

In vast blackness, the Helper who had escorted me there, as well as a few others, were communicating with one another before what I can only guess was a huge screen of equal blackness and crisscrossing white lines. Horizontal and vertical straight lines formed small rectangles...perhaps what a sheet of black graph paper with white lines would look like. The Helpers moved to this screen and one then brought his left hand up to where two lines were intersecting, and they were discussing something. I asked them where I was and got back the Planning Center. I then asked why I had been brought here and got back an unmistakable pause and what felt like at least one stiffled smile, and the fact that I had asked to get to know Helpers better, a desire to want to work with them more, see how they operate. Hey!---that was right. Okay. I then picked up on the feeling that some or all either knew Harry Cheevers or had worked with him, and I asked if I could briefly meet with Harry. My perception was then automatically drawn to my right and a dark, hazy tunnel of sorts was in the blackness...and it felt as if some kind of inquiry was going on regarding Harry, his whereabouts. I was then told that he was currently preoccupied. Okay.

I then could feel it was time to go. The male Helper was then standing to my right, looking off into the blackness. Turning his face to me I felt/knew there was a woman out there, in the BST, he longed to help. I could feel his love for her, as well as sadness, a longing to get her out of wherever it was she had been. And then he and I, along with about 3 to 4 others, left the Planning Center. We seemed to be suspended in blackness for a moment, along with a slight feel of just "going somewhere".

The first thing I experienced was what felt like wind...and a landscape opened up of white rocks and boulders half buried in patches of green grass. We were on a narrow pathway along a steep mountain overlooking a valley. For some reason I no longer felt wind but knew it was a windy, cold place that appeared to be in a high altitude. As we began moving along this path I saw ahead and below, to our right, the flat roof of a square stone house. Looked as if it had been built into the side of the mountain because rocky soil sloped down onto this roof. In sensing this house contained the woman the Helper wanted to help, and because this place seemed so isolated, I asked him why she had not gone to Focus 23. Why was she in the BST? He said I would understand more as we continued. I asked what was this place, this world within the BST--did it have a name? I got back the word "punishment". As I was thinking about this I got the word again...and then a third time with greater emphasis on the feel of it. I decided I'd best just accept this! As we were then above the house I saw stone steps leading down to the front and we made our way there. I heard someone singing what sounded like a soft lullaby or tune coming from inside...and upon feeling encouragement from the Helpers to approach the front door I noticed I was wearing a brown woolen garmet with a wrap or hood. Without even thinking about it I raised a wooden staff and tapped on the wooden door. The singing stopped but no one answered. I tapped on the door again and it finally opened.
A woman about 6 feet tall, wearing a dress with a heavy shawl, moved away from the doorway as we entered, as if she were either afraid of us or just shy. The house was small with wooden furniture--just the bare necessities. My attention was drawn over to the left where in a corner was a narrow bed or cot with what appeared to be someone hidden under blankets, perhaps sleeping. There was something odd about this but I didn't ask about it. I then said hello and introduced myself and the woman sat down away from us, refusing to make eye contact. It seemed as if she wanted to keep her face hidden as she pulled her shawl closer over her features. I then picked up what sounded like a British accent as she told us her name was Mildred. She said something else but I couldn't understand her because the male Helper then began communicating to me who Mildred was, and some of her history. In the physical he had been Mildred's father, Daniel. The person in the bed was her twin sister, Margaret. Their mother, his wife, had died when the girls were every young. He had provided well for his daughters but their lives changed when Margaret contracted polio. Mildred had watched as all of his love and attention had, in her eyes and heart, then gone to her twin, and for I don't know how many years she harbored deep bitterness, jealousy, resentment. And, it had culminated in Mildred stabbing to death her sister, then her father...and living out the remainder of her life in a prison. As I was getting this information I just stood very quietly, watching Margaret walk back and forth, saying things, apparently unaware of this "conversation". I realized then that she didn't even know who the male Helper was, standing next to me. Then her "father" told me that Margaret, over on the bed, wasn't really there. No one was. Mildred wanted, needed to pretend her twin sister was there with her, and all I got for a reason was that Mildred had found this of great importance, to experience certain emotions, reminders (?), to continue to experience guilt and punish herself (?). At this point I felt as if I were in over my head, but the fact that we all became aware of others approaching the house provided an excuse to move outside (for a breath of fresh air).

We watched as several people in dark coats, robes, knocked on Mildred's door and escorted her out, to apparently go to the nearby town. They had an air of authority about them...and it was obvious Mildred didn't want to go but she didn't have a choice. We followed them into a town of more stone houses, buildings, to a large round structure with several pathways leading to it. As we approached what looked like the main entrance, Mildred was standing there, looking in and watching the goings on. I sensed that this building was the central hub of activity, where everyone came to experience whatever it was they needed to experience, in order I guess to continue to support their existence there, their reasons for being there. It felt very heavy...negative, great suffering and sadness in hushed, subdued behavior. As we stood behind Mildred she began expressing a desire in not wanting to go inside. She didn't want to partake in whatever everyone else was doing, as if she'd been through it so much and didn't want it anymore. I got the message to send her PUL and I found it difficult to do this, but managed to build up and send some after a moment. I looked to the other Helpers to let them know I was having trouble with this but they already seemed to be intensely focused in on Mildred, and I then knew she was indeed getting the help she needed despite my struggles. Feeling a kind of energetic boost from their efforts seemed to help me deliver more PUL, and then Mildred turned and looked at us, for the first time, making eye contact. For some reason, as she let her shawl drop away, I saw a blurred image of a disfigured face with protruding brow and jawline (it felt as if her insecurity about us seeing her caused the blurry, exaggerated features). I then saw her face which seemed to be softer, disfigured in the bone structure, and dark eyes that were questioning, pleading. Her "father" was then talking with her, telling her something about a carraige outside that awaited them. I couldn't see her expressions, or if she at that point knew who he really was, or had been...but it wasn't long before they boarded a horse drawn carraige and left, including the other Helpers.

I floated there, over the road, for a moment, dealing with emotions that surfaced over what Mildred must have gone through in the physical, and here, in this place. Then I thought of the love her "father" had had for her, all that time, and I began feeling better. Once I moved into the 3D blackness again I let go of the emotions that weren't mine, and returned feeling peaceful.

Thanks for listening and love to all,