As I finished my last energy gathering breath, I saw what looked like a middle-aged man in front of me. His short hair was dark brown or black and he sported a goatee. He also wore a long white robe. As I focused in on him his features grew younger until he looked like he was in his late twenties. Curious, I asked him how hold he was. I "heard" 27.
Dismayed I thought was he the person I was supposed to retrieve? But his energy and demeanor felt like a helper. Then I "heard" 27,000 years old. Okay. That was more like it!
As I continued to look at him his skin got browner. Then I started to lose focus and apologized. He smiled and said he could help me with my focus. He put his hand on my left shoulder and I felt a surge of energy on my left side. Everything came back into focus and my energy remained stable after that.
He said his name was Jamil. He sounded East Indian so I asked him if he was from India. Then I got Pakistan, but it seemed unsure. Afterward, while recording the retrieval, I remembered reading a few months ago that Afghanistan and Pakistan are fairly recent territorial formations. Depending upon who was in charge, the name and geography of the country changed. So maybe the form that Jamil chose to present had lived in that area when it had another name.
I asked him to take me to a person I was supposed to retrieve. I saw and heard the name Kate Beckinsdale. This made me uncomfortable because that's similar to the name of an up and coming young British actress. Jamil quickly explained that there were two others with me but only coming along as observers. He said that he was the one guiding me on this trip.
I felt some movement. I couldn't make much out but at one point the area below looked like a huge red rose. It felt like we entered through this. Then it got dark and cloudy. I saw a girl who seemed to be leaning against some garbage cans. She looked to be about 13 or 14. She had blonde hair. freckled skin and wore a white linen top. It either had very short sleeves or was sleeveless like an undershirt. I could see the freckles on her face, arms and shoulders. She couldn't see either one of us yet.
Then the scene shifted to a sunny outdoor scene which quickly grew dark. Then I saw Kate (I still wasn't sure about the name) sitting on a bed in a darkened room. I took it to be her bedroom. I heard a female voice calling "Katie!" from below. In spite of what Jamil said earlier, I wondered if that was her mother or another helper trying to get Katie's attention and if she was going to be helping.
This time I was determined to enter into Katie's environment and find out how she died and any other information I could get. As I approached her I felt a wave of sadness. I hesitated a second but then moved forward and introduced myself. She jumped back alarmed. I immediately put my hands up. "How did you get in here?" she asked. I said I heard somebody crying from the street below and was concerned so I went to the front door, found it open and came upstairs. I asked her if she was okay. She shouted, "No!" Then she started crying and yelling about how much she hated her life, herself, and her parents. Apparently they were very strict. She'd been sent by her mother to her room because she wanted to go out with her friends.
This all came in a quick flash of scenes and words. I felt huge rush of emotions coming from her making it a little hard to follow what she was telling me.
Then a mischievous grin formed on her face. "But I showed them," she said. I flinched as she picked up a knife and started carving into her skin. Then I noticed her arms were scarred from self-inflicted wounds. Before I let my upset show the thought came that I was supposed to be playing along with her reality. So I said, "Oh, I used to do that. I know how you feel." Then I pulled up my shirt sleeve and showed her my arm which now was full of similar types of scars. Now, I've never intentionally scarred myself. I made it up for Katie. In hindsight, I have a feeling the Jamil or one of the unseen helpers planted that idea in my head. After showing her my scarred arm I pulled up my pants cuff to show her a huge "scar" on my ankle.
I explained that I used to do it all the time, especially after my parents yelled at me or punished me for something. I said that I eventually stopped because I realized that I was taking the anger I had at them out on myself. I said I decided I didn't want to do that anymore.
I asked her for her name, and she said Becky something. She said she was fifteen years old. I don't remember the last name but it was different from the name I'd heard prior to the retrieval. Now all this time I could still hear the woman calling for Katie from down below. Then, all at once, I realized two things: a) the woman's voice was her aunt and b) it was just another part of the reality Katie had created in Focus 23 and not somebody trying to reach her.
Katie/Becky admitted that she was scared. Apparently she had trouble maintaining this creation because the bedroom around her kept changing. I got the image of the ceiling disappearing and seeing nothing but a star-filled sky. She told me other things shifted too.
At this point the workshop tape ran out and I needed to get up and change the tape. I made the excuse that I had to go use the bathroom and would be right back. I could see Jamil in the room with us but Katie couldn't. I silently asked him to help me hold a focus so I could immediately return to the scene.
I changed the tape, laid down, did a couple of energy gathering breaths and found myself walking back into the room. Katie/Becky sat on the bed in awe. "How come you can leave through the door and I can't? she asked. At that point I realized she still didn't know she was dead. Since I didn't have a quick answer I just shrugged my shoulders.
I asked her what had happened (meaning just before things started getting weird). She showed me her wrists which had two ugly, bleeding wounds. Apparently her parents (or guardians) had restricted her to her room. So she pulled out a blade and started carving up her wrists. Her conscious intent hadn't been to kill herself. But she'd apparently gone further with carving herself up than ever before. As she lost blood she slowly lost consciousness. Not realizing she'd died, she "woke up" in her bed thinking she'd merely fallen asleep.
At that point I remembered to ask her what year it was. She said 1975. I saw an image of a calendar turned to the month of October. Then I asked where we were. With a puzzled look she told me. It sounded like Raceiro, California. But I knew I wasn't getting it clearly. Then I got "near Tarzana". Katie's attitude was "like you don't know where you are?"
I pointed at her wrists and said that I had a friend who was a medical doctor. Katie/Becky got suspicious and said she didn't want to go to the hospital. I said no, my friend was really cool and that she'd like him. I looked at Jamil standing next to her, waiting for Katie/Becky to become aware of him. He merely smiled. The next thing I knew the door opened and in walked his handsome young blonde guy dressed like a medic. Katie's eyes brightened. I could immediately tell she was smitten. She also seemed to know him although exactly how I don't know. They hugged and talked as the blonde man examined her wrists. I'm not sure, but he might have told her that she'd died.
Confused I looked at Jamil. I thought you said it was just going to be you and me, I communicated telepathically. He smiled again and then I "saw" an image of the blonde guy coming out of Jamil. Apparently this was a projection he was sending out.
The young man helped Katie/Becky up and we began walking. The scene around us changed and very shortly we stood in the hall of a hospital. A nurse came up with a rather old fashioned wheel chair and took Katie/Becky to a room. An older doctor came in and began talking to her. They got her into bed and the blonde guy kissed Katie and said he had to go. He said the doctor and nurse would take good care of her.
The blonde guy left as did Jamil and I. In the hall the blonde guy merged back into Jamil, who explained that this was an incarnation of his from Ancient Britain. I got a brief flash of the blonde guy dressed in a leather tunic, something like what a soldier might wear.
Jamil told me I was chosen because like Katie/Becky I've turned my anger inward. This internalized anger resonated with hers. I've never had the urge to carve myself up. But I do remember having destructive urges as a child which, by force of will, I stopped giving into. As an adult I've also worked hard to heal my internalized anger.
Jamil said that her name was indeed Katie Beckinsdale. But since it's so close to a famous person's name I still have my doubts.
When I asked what would happen to Katie/Becky, Jamil said that the doctor and nurse would slowly heal her wounds. They would need more time, however, to help heal her emotional wounds. This particular hospital in Focus 27 specialized in handling suicides.
Then Jamil surprised me by saying, "we know each other." He said we'd worked together in the past, my past. Intrigued I asked if we could work together again. I also asked if I could come back to this hospital in Focus 27. He smiled and said yes.
I said goodbye and came back.
By the way, re-reading this I realized that just prior to Katie/Becky starting to carve herself on the bed, I saw a flash of silver. That's what made me flinch. Then I realized she was holding a knife and watched as she started carving herself.
I'm realizing that it's better to try and record everything as it happened because then I won't be unconsciously editing stuff and most likely introducing Interpreter Overlay stuff.
Anyway, that's it folks. I'll post Retrieval #3 for that day in a few days. I still haven't finished the tapes yet. I've still got to do the Retrieving An Aspect of Self exercise which I'm really looking forward to.
Love and light to you all,
Posted by Bruce Moen on April 06, 2002 at 05:15:45:
In Reply to: Friday Harbor Tape Retrieval #2 - Part 2 posted by jeff on April 05, 2002 at 12:21:32:
Big Congrats on great work. Your experience demonstrates so well how learning the Art of Retrieval can teach us so much about our human existence beyond physical reality. Your experience taught me something new.
I find Jamil's projection of the blonde young man/medic into the scene just fascinating. I'd never thought much about "where" some of these Helpers "come from." It makes perfect sense to me that Jamil could just place his intent to appear in that form and play a particular role, like a handsome young medic Katie would be smitten with. It also makes sense, from a multiple location perspective that Jamil could "be" in the young medic "thoughtform" and "be" Jamil at the same time. I find that just fascinating.
I like to say that a teacher's fondest hope is that students will use what they learn to explore places and learn things the teacher never knew existed. Jamil's projection of an Aspect of Self that takes a role in the retrieval is new understanding I as a teacher didn't have before you found and wrote about it.
Thanks again for sharing your experience.